Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen (Bay, 2009)

[ayaa1977]

That Egypt/Jordan crossing in seconds was priceless, its like they were twin cities. And robot shape shifters.

But that thong scene...oh God, I had nightmares. What a terrible miscalculation this film is.

It might be a huge miscalculation as you said, but the sad reality they are probably will be laughing all the way to the bank. It will be a huge hit and it will prompt a third film, there is no question about it. There is no direct competition, the number one films of the last three weeks were comedies, and next week release is a cartoon Ice Age3 and Enemy of The State, so my guess is this one will reign over the boxoffice for a few weeks until the release of Harry Potter6 mid July. I don't mean it will be number one of that long, but it will make humagous amount of money. Of course this is only my prediction, and I hope it won't be true. Just because it is a stupid pop corn movie doesn't mean it should treat the audience as such.

[ayaa1977]

Loved your review Shreq, it's hilarious!

Ozzy, were you calling Shareqq Shrek or did you just committ a TYPO

[ozzylogic]

Loved your review Shreq, it's hilarious!

Ozzy, were you calling Shareqq Shrek or did you just committ a TYPO

No, I called him Shreq...I've always called him Shreq...smart arse!

[ayaa1977]

No, I called him Shreq...I've always called him Shreq...smart arse!

Well, I gave it a shot, don't blame me for trying 

[ozzylogic]

No, I called him Shreq...I've always called him Shreq...smart arse!

Well, I gave it a shot, don't blame me for trying 

You can never steal my crown!

[ozzylogic]

"I write all my movies" Michael Bay...

Big explosion. Black guy says something hilarious. Another explosion in the middle of awesome car chase. Robot does something (maybe the robot dance?)Black guy says something that only a black guy would say. Something cool happens. One more giant explosion. Black guy dies, white guy is sad. Robots also cry. 360 degree dolly shot around everything. Credits explode. The End.

Script template
by
Michael Bay

[ayaa1977]

You can never steal my crown!

Rest assured my lord that I am not trying, interested, nor capable of stealing the crown of your Majesty Grand Master Dick

[ozzylogic]

You can never steal my crown!

Rest assured my lord that I am not trying, interested, nor capable of stealing the crown of your Majesty Grand Master Dick

Haha, you make me sound Well Hung...

[ayaa1977]

Haha, you make me sound Well Hung...

Oh yeh, you're huge!

[ayaa1977]

Here is the blogosphere reaction for Tranformers 2 breaking records for Wednesday one day gross with $60.6 millions. My favorite quote would be the following: Transformers 2 is at 21% on Rotten Tomatoes. Rotten Tomatoes is at 0% on Michael Bay’s give-a-shit meter.

Another blockbuster, another record broken. What’s the big deal? Well, the biggest deal might be that film critics are wasting their time reviewing movies like Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen, because a billion trillion negative words written about the blockbuster sequel couldn’t have kept it from breaking the Wednesday opening record. Grossing $60.6 million over a day and two nights (the figure includes Tuesday’s midnight show tally of $16 million), Transformers 2 knocked Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix off the throne.

I haven’t heard of anyone liking the sequel, so it’s very possible that word of mouth will keep the movie from making too much more over the weekend. But then again, if another one of my weekends is completely rained out, I’ll probably go see the thing just to see how godawful it is (this Best Week Ever post makes me masochistically curious to see it). The first Transformers was a total bore, so I’d be happier with elements as ridiculously terrible as racially offensive robots and parachute farts, as long as there was something interesting going on.

The only thing keeping me from rounding up a large posse for a MST3K-inspired viewing is the idea that buying the tickets will only encourage Paramount and Michael Bay more (how about a group of us goes and buys Star Trek tickets and then sneak into Transformers? Paramount can’t complain, since they’ll still get the money, only for a better film).

Check out the film blogs’ response to the record breakage after the jump:


Seth Abramovitch at Movieline makes an appropriate jab at the film’s minstrel-show-like robots:

The midnight screenings alone earned $16 million, putting it third behind The Dark Knight ($18.5 million) and Star Wars: Episode III — Revenge of the Sith ($16.9 million). As Skids might say, “Daz be a ‘hoooo lodda cheddah! Cans you ordah lunch? I can’z be readin duh orderin’ papuh.”

Kevin Polowy at Moviefone’s Inside Movies notes that this summer’s dick-measuring contest is over:

So much for the purported robot rivalry between McG’s ‘Terminator Salvation’ and Michael Bay’s ‘Transformers’ sequel. While ‘Terminator’ has underperformed, earning only $120 million to date, ‘Transformers’ is on pace to hit that mark by the end of the weekend.

Mark Graham at Vulture puts this into perspective relative to yesterday’s big Academy Awards news:

For comparison’s sake, that one-day total eclipses 2009 Oscar nominees Doubt and Frost/Nixon’s combined domestic gross for their entire theatrical run.

Neil Miller at Film School Rejects elaborates on how little the reviews mattered with this one:

Earlier this morning, our lovely sex columnist Bethany Perryman sent me over the following tidbit, a message from the folks at Funny or Die posted to Twitter:

Transformers 2 is at 21% on Rotten Tomatoes. Rotten Tomatoes is at 0% on Michael Bay’s give-a-shit meter.

Then moments later, I read over at Variety that Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen, which hit theaters yesterday, became the highest grossing Wednesday opening of all-time…it would appear that Rotten Tomatoes (and critics in general) is at 0% on America’s give-a-shit meter as well.

Mark at I Watch Stuff is depressed:

Just goes to show that… making a ridiculous movie based on a cartoon made to sell toys, and then making an even stupider sequel to that movie, is a good business plan? I don’t know what it goes to show. Something depressing.

James Thoo at JoBlo.com will be surprised if the attendance doesn’t drop off soon:

I actually just got back from seeing this thing and if it has any legs I will be floored. Even for fanboys this thing must be painful. And I’ve argued with one of our writers because I loved the first one. But I feel bad for championing the franchise now. I seriously might be done with Michael Bay, or Orci and Kurtzman. I haven’t decided yet, but I definitely hate someone.

Nikki Finke at Deadline Hollywood Daily points out that some people apparently do like this thing:

That puts the sci-fi actioner on track for a $175M five-day opening despite overwhelmingly lousy reviews. But Paramount  boasted how exit polling showed that 91% of the audience said “they liked this movie as much or better than the first”. So this Decepticons vs Autobots battle is reviewer-proof.

Vince Mancini at Film Drunk imagines Michael Bay’s response to the news:

Before he begins work on Transformers 3, Michael Bay said he plans to use some of his money to travel the world in a unicorn-shaped zeppelin, bringing explosions to underprivileged children.  Then he made a crass joke about “record opening” and giggled for 10 minutes.

[ozzylogic]

Michael Bay is a shallow horny cocksucker and should be crucified. Spielberg was right...it's 'epic' alright, an epic fuckup.

[theoddball]

Michael Bay is a shallow horny cocksucker and should be crucified. Spielberg was right...it's 'epic' alright, an epic fuckup.

EPIC FAIL.

[ozzylogic]

Michael Bay is a shallow horny cocksucker and should be crucified. Spielberg was right...it's 'epic' alright, an epic fuckup.

EPIC FAIL.

Whaaaart?

[shariqq]

...and next week release is a cartoon Ice Age3 and Enemy of The State...

Enemy of the State?

[shariqq]

Loved your review Shreq, it's hilarious!

Thanks kiddo!